Kwin

I first met my ex boyfriend around 2010 at a bar out with my friends. We were at a mutual friend’s birthday party. He said I looked “bored” and asked me if I wanted a beer and although I hate beer, I said yes. We talked all night and he asked me if I wanted to go on a date. The next day I picked him up (he didn’t have a car) and we went out. I ended up going to his house the next day and met his mom. We went on a few more dates but after I finally “gave in” – it ended up being a “booty call” kind of thing. He wasn’t a relationship person, but I was. I would answer his phone calls at times and other times I would ignore them. I remember one night we were hanging out and he asked me for a massage. I was giving him a massage and my ring rubbed him hard and he flipped out. At that time, I left and we didn’t speak for weeks. I saw him at a bar and he left because I was talking to a guy.

A few months later, we started seriously seeing each other. I was staying at his house often and meeting all of his family members (who are all fantastic). He asked me to be his girlfriend not long after and I agreed. It was probably a month later he told me he loved me and I was unable to say it at that time. Eventually I did.

Red Flags

One night we were dog sitting for his brother. We were laying in bed and got into an argument and he kicked me off the bed with his feet. I remember sitting there thinking “did that really happen?”  After that, the abuse continued and got worse. I was told daily that I only needed him, my family didn’t care about me, my friends were only my friends because they had “pity” on me, I’d never be anyone without him and no one would ever love me except for him. I was isolated from all of my family and friends. There were multiple times I would try to hang out with friends or go to a friends wedding and he would hide my keys. We didn’t hang out with anyone but his family or friends. I would go months and months without seeing or talking to my family. I was told daily that my clothing choices were horrible and nothing looked good on me. Along with the daily verbal abuse there was physical abuse. Almost daily he would get mad at me and slap me in the face over and over, kick me, punch me in my head, arms and legs, grab my neck, and push me off the bed.  He threw me into walls, held me down and call me a psycho because I hated being held down and so on. This happened almost daily. I would go to work crying as these things happened a lot, as early as 7am.

I was told daily that I only needed him, my family didn’t care about me, my friends were only my friends because they had “pity” on me, I’d never be anyone without him and no one would ever love me except for him. I was isolated from all of my family and friends.

I always kept it to myself initially. I would put cover up over the bruises on my face, neck and ears. I always had bruises on my body. One day he threw me to the floor and I had multiple cuts above my eye as a result. I went to work the next day and the doctor I worked for asked me what happened. I told her I had a run in with the dog. Later that day my co worker asked the same question and I told her the same answer. After she walked away, I sat there by myself crying”. “How could I ever let my life turn out like this?” “How could I every let someone physically and verbally abuse me, let alone on a daily basis?” This went on daily for 2 years as we lived together with his mom. He was also a very big drinker and had a bad temper when he drank. There were nights I’d be driving and he would grab the steering wheel and steer us into oncoming traffic or into a pole because he thought it was “funny”.

Realization

I watched Dr. Phil almost daily. He had a special on domestic abuse as his wife was launching a domestic abuse app and project. He listed what domestic abuse was. I sat there thinking “why did I think this was any different?” I thought he did it because he loved me. I started googling domestic abuse signs (which I had them all). I even downloaded Dr. Phil’s wife’s app as it allowed you to put an emergency number in. If you pushed the button, it would alert that emergency person that you were in trouble. I finally started seeking out friends at work who I could trust and told them what was going on. A co worker of mine also printed out domestic abuse hotlines for me. I finally realized I needed to get out of this. I sought out a counselor who advised me domestic abuse was out of her expertise and referred me to someone else. I ended up finding someone on my own and only went to her a few times before I realized what I needed to do. If I wanted to get out of it, I had to make him think it was his idea and not mine. I ended up making it so he “broke up” with me. I acted like I was devastated and left. I moved out shortly after.

Words of Wisdom

Never let anyone make you think you’re not good enough. Always know you are amazing because you are! Never lose your identity to someone else. I started doubting who I was without him. This is your life, live it for you!

My life today

I have been in two relationships since then. I am now happily married to my best friend and having my first baby. My husband and I have our own lives, and a life together. He supports me in everything and I support him. We are in a partnership. The best thing I ever did was leave that situation and you can too! Please feel free to contact me.

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